只要你安好

以前她很厉害、倔强，好歹也可是家里公认为ketua的嫲嫲

现在已经不能行动自如，手脚没有力气，失禁

看着她日渐衰弱，心里很痛很痛

那曾经在医院病床上哭喊，寻找着早已不在的母亲和其他亲人的画面，我是永远都无法忘记的

庆幸的是这几个月回到家，有爸妈和妹的照顾，已变得清醒许多

虽然有时候那粒脑袋会跳去以前不同的时代，爱把大家看成连我们都没见过面的亲人

爱耍小孩脾气，又变得挑食，有时候很无助，情绪不稳定时骂起人却又够毒

对她，真的好气又好笑

有时无意中会发现她会流露出很天真的眼神，很可爱

那天假期结束要回去kk，道别时，躺在床上的她问我 “新年会不会回家？”

我不小心哭了，也不懂为什么

嫲嫲，你要好好，只要你安好就好

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Show off

看到妹Livia Tee炫耀她休假时买到的东西

我都忘了要show off一下下自己之前买回来收集的专辑和书籍

YUI HCYL CD+DVD

第一次买酱贵

不管，因为这次的很有意义

Radiohead四张旧专辑总共RM98。

便宜又值得收集

要留给我未来的小孩听

Mitch Albom

都看过了

好书、特价

就收集吧

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Decorate

There is it, the album of a Malaysian singer-songwriter in which I almost love every single song in it.

The album compiles some new and old singles of hers.

Well, it isn't late to catch up with her music again after two years didn't quite listen to her works.

Yuna's music, such a piece of art.

Proud of her as a Malaysian.

Penakut, won the Best Song in AIM 2011.

However the trophy was taken back because of some vote miscounts and to be given to another song - Sedetik Lebih.

What the hell, what kind of weird rule was that.

Permission

Decorate

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你好嘢

身为一个笨蛋，那句不带半点认真的话，我一辈子都不会忘记

你果然…好…嘢…

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谢谢

当在想着值不值得，后不后悔的时候

心里其实都明白，自己一直最害怕面对的，总是在要再度说再见的时候

所以正如预料之中，那后果带给我无比的沮丧

原本平静的心情，又再度被思念掀起了不小的涟漪

可是我并不后悔，参加了黑客帮聚会1.0，是值得的

虽然到最后的过程是小苦的，但那依然是美丽的

有点讨厌这样，但谢谢你，如果还有机会的话，我还要2.0，我还想再见

Photo by Xiao Yu

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Arrived

Finally, it has arrived, an album of year 2009.

Hi MONO, who gave me this impact I've got.

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说不出的感动

看着她在香港的街头演唱宣传上一次的演唱会，粉丝们都跟着唱时…

虽然是很普通的事，但心暖暖的，鼻头酸酸的…

当在广场表演，大家一起为她哼副歌时，我哭出来了

从一出道，到已经得到了许多支持者爱戴的现在，她终于做到了

真的很感动…

How Crazy Your Love，我不管了，预购日版初回限量版！

里面的DVD收录了两个钟多的香港演唱会及幕后花絮

第一次买一百六十多块的唱片，够力，我大可以等下载

可是因为YL们都去了，这是很有意义的！如果我也有去该多好…

希望有天，有机会，能看她现场演唱！

2014年，如果有这么一天，我一定要去她的10周年纪念演唱会！

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Sickos

Human are just so sick! Sick!! SICK!!! 
Animal abuse, abandoned babies.. 
Seeing a two years old girl being knocked down and doesn't give a single shit..
I have gone crazy by watching the recorded video..
What kind of world is this.. 
Sick people with no humanities.. 
Hopeless world
Totally hopeless

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Killing me

Growling stomach

Pinching gastric

Fever

Nausea

Just can't get enough..

You're killing me!

I wonder if there are worms inside me..

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静静的

最喜欢的两个k-indie乐团，Monni和Dear Cloud，既然在三月时一起出新专辑了

我还真outdated…

趴在桌上，看着身边的鱼儿在鱼缸里生活着

播着这首歌，真是舒服极了

非常非常喜欢这样静静的…

其实正在在公司里，吃蛇…

工作又做不完

今晚，要开夜车了

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恭喜你们

一年前我的毕业是有你们在的

一年后你们也跟着毕业了

多么想亲身目睹这一切

我亲爱的学弟妹和同伴们，恭喜毕业

很爱你们，很想很想你们

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给我力量

种种的emotional attacks, 让我没有时间去透一口气

家里老狗的逝世，同事的离别，嫲嫲的病情，工作的忙碌，25岁生日，舅舅的结婚，其他零零碎碎的事情，让很多原本计划好的事情有可能会改变…

所有事情发生在同一时间，太复杂，觉得自己要分裂了

还好这一切更加肯定了回来的决定是真确的

只是，好想好想身边有个人，能给我力量…

请给我力量

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忘了

都已经忘了

以前是多么地喜欢你

回想起来

那时候的痛苦

还真美丽

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Buddy

Buddy had RIP and buried few hours ago...

A devastating text message

You're gone

I just saw you and touched you, talked to you last week at home

I waited and watched you finish your dinner, patted you, said goodbye to you

I looked at you from the window after finished my dinner, didn't know that was the last time

Rushing to the airport

I didn't go to the backyard to say goodbye to you, like I always did everytime

For the very 1st time I felt something strange to leave you.

I stood a little while at the side of the house, hoping that your head will show up at the end of the side way

But you didn't

Then I left home, I left you

I should have just go to the backyard, and see you, for the very last time

I should have..

And you're gone now

My heart pinched, tears falling again

I miss you, like I miss Frisky and Frisk

May you reunite with them

I love you Buddy

I love you

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pity, strong

To think how pity you are

Why not, to think how strong you're gonna be

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无情的眼神

那无情的眼神

心很痛

喉咙很紧

泪也流了

我不要这样的他

我也不要她成为我的亲人

告诉我要怎样接纳如此自私的人作为亲人

告诉我

永远，我永远都忘不了那一刻

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歌迷上

曾经何时，嗯中六吧，我是YUI的歌迷。

每天每天都会锁定在yui-lover forum, 虽然不会很active，可是也算是advanced member。

YL里的成员，都是来至世界各地的，全都死鬼疯狂，有时候很佩服他们，也羡慕他们。

YL，总会让我在那里觉得有一丝丝的归属感。

那里有着厉害的日文翻译者，每一次都准时翻译所有有关YUI的事物。

也有着热心的guitarists，总准时post上YUI最新单曲的guitar chords和tabs，连covers video都有。

真感谢YL。

我不疯狂。

Hardisk只有个大约10gb的文件夹累积着YUI所有的mp3，mv，yui locks，yui radio，电视节目录影，magazine scans，scores等等等。

至从上大学后，除了mp3，就不再去下载其他的了，jaringukm蜗牛般的慢。

可是如果有天这所有都不见了，我可能会哭死。

至于CD/DVD，我只有四张… 因为还没有经济能力，加上以前家乡都很难找（借口）。

可是现在都没有去买了，真是不够supportive，不够敬业的歌迷/消费者。有天，有天，我会再买的。

六月的时候，YUI第一次在日本以外的国家-香港，办演唱会，我差一点点就跟着YL一起去了，可是被理智拉回来。

现在看着大家的照片和影片，尤其是他们在偷听YUI彩排的时候，我都会跟着紧张和感动。

有点后悔不跟着去，如果有天她来Spore，我一定会去。

Dear YUI，

因为你，我开始抓吉他，每天每天都抱着吉他学你的歌，练到起水泡，等水泡一干又继续学。

也因为你，我开始尝试创作，有人会说我有你歌的影子，呵呵我并不介意，因为我所会的chords都是从你的歌学来的。

对不起YUI，接触了更多的音乐后，我已经有一阵子没听你的歌了，不再进去YL，手机也不再收着你的歌。

可是我没有忘记你。

看回一些以前我曾经喜欢的艺人，我会笑自己到底为什么当初会喜欢他们。

可是你，会是我老了后，还能让我保持着那份感动及感恩的心的一个偶像。

想说，谢谢你让我认识你。也谢谢爸爸按Astro让我不小心发现YUI的《Goodbye Days》。

谢谢YUI

歌迷上

随便来一首《feel my soul》，这个版本对我来说是珍藏版，因为非常难找。

今晚，我想听完YUI所有的歌才睡觉...

お休みなさい！

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TYVM

Life's such a crazy bitch. -Edmoon-

This is so true.

From home to career, from friends, even from a hobby.

It's everywhere from all sides that you can get so pissed off with them sometimes.

Yet I won't let those dumbass ruin my day. There's a life I need to deal with.

And with their repetitive fuck off actions, I had trained my EQ well.

I have to say this.

Thank you very much, you dumbass.

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This is it

This is the part when you're being attacked repetitively by the same person successfully.

This is the part when someone's words on something that you can't do much about had made you feel vulnerable.

This is the part when the person's conscious/half-conscious intentions had started becoming thorns on your dignity and reputation.

This is the part when you feel so alone that no one is there for you and no one understand you.

This is the part when your heart gone empty and tears are not even consoling.

After that, that is the part where you had your break down and build up the walls.

That is the part where you see no people who doesn't look at you differently.

That is the part, where you no longer feel home in the place you categorized it home before.

That is the part.

That is the part, that occurs in your life occasionally.

That is the part, where your decision is made.

To live with it, to live beside it, to live in it, or to live out of it.

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Everyday

I'm missing you.

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Faker

I always tend to pretend care less on people and things that I really care about.
I am a great faker.

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赚钱

我要努力赚钱

给自己买一个电吉他，会不会玩也管他

去Ladakh

去东京

去台湾

去Siem Reap

去Santorini

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感受生命

我喜欢跑步，带着耳机，听着Mono的曲，跑过湖边时看着夕阳，用自己的呼吸声，感受着生命。

MONO - Everlasting Light LIVE IN NYC from SeattleShowGal on Vimeo.

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可怕的东西

有时候，有些评语就是会杀死人
最重要的，是了解自己喜欢、自己要、自己属于哪一类行

“Each listener has one’s own imagination to enjoy the music differently from others.” Takaakira Goto

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Fed Up

最近生活

很多小细节都变得很厌倦

厌倦时常觉得一个人，虽然身边是有人

厌倦听到某段的音乐时总让我强烈地想见某些人

厌倦工作有时候的pekcek和无奈

厌倦每次想呐喊却没声音

厌倦不能接受离别

厌倦金钱的诱惑和它真的能满足我的事实

厌倦远不可及的事物

厌倦偶然地发觉自己的位置的时候

厌倦跑步时让我接不上气的时候

厌倦脆弱的男生

厌倦不够强的自己

厌倦已停不了地开cityville

厌倦下午工作非常想睡觉的时候

厌倦知道自己不重要

厌倦外婆问我“是男是女？”

厌倦看到肮脏的厨房

厌倦弹不出自己想听到的音

厌倦总不自觉地想“要是…就好”&“如果…我会”

厌倦看到他和她

厌倦被别人说“还好”

厌倦只爱说不做的人

厌倦所付出的没有得到公平的回应

厌倦不够爱家人的“未来”亲人

厌倦听到手机简讯铃声重复地响

厌倦听音乐时有股力量涌上来使我想哭却没眼泪

很厌倦

很多事情

我实在是麻烦

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空了

终于我已完全地脱离了吧

没有人再发觉我在那里的存在

讽刺的是，这是我一开始就准备接受的事

是我该做的选择，也许也是我的无情

或者这是迟早的事

不过，那速度还真让我吓了一跳，真实地有点难以自信

有点可怕

我并没有不再爱

心痛了

也跟着被挖空了

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感动

又因为indievox的email subscribe，让我碰见了一个日本post-rock乐团 - MONO

花了一晚的时间下载了它每一张专辑，用了一天的时间偷偷在上班时候听。

完全不理会同事们在聊天的存在，MONO，从它第一张专辑到Hymn to The Immortal Wind，带我进入了另外一个空间里，很忘我地抛开了一切。

那吉它，悲伤且抱着希望的旋律，把感情和情绪从低潮带到高潮！

我真的无法去形容那一切了，我哑口无言，因为太震撼了！太汹涌得能让我想哭！

Ashes in the Snow，是indievox里MONO‘'s playlist里的第一首歌，也是我尝试听的第一首歌，也因为它，我想更了解mono。听完了全部专辑后，我觉得它是MONO经过了十年进化后的极品。Ashes in the Snow，还是我最爱的一首。

很遗憾我现在才认识MONO，不然去年它来KL的时候就可以去看他们的现场了。今年MONO Asia Tour，五月7日会在KL举行表演。很遗憾，难过死了 T_T

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昏了头

在你眼里我看不见自己的存在

看清一点其实

从以前到现在，这事实都没有变过

只是是我冲昏了头一味在寻找

而在每一个可贵又难得的时刻里

我既然忽略了自己最亲爱的学弟妹和伙伴们

放空

也把灵魂和心脏给弄丢去了

这动作，并不是一时冲动的愚蠢

是累积过来的愚蠢

我再一次地成为大笨蛋一个

死笨蛋一个

死笨蛋一个

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疯掉

忘不掉！就是忘不掉那每个时刻！！

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Happy February

FB shut down.
Songs volume turned down.
Leisure mode off.
Relocated lappy to a good typing condition.
Sitting position adjusted.
Reference book opened ready.
Microsoft Word opened.
Report file opened.
Hands raised to the keyboard.
Mouse's cursor moved....

and the blog's "New Post" button is being clicked.


Apparently, after dinner, I was supposed to rush up my report, was having mind set up to turn on working mode. But then..but then.. out of the blue, I went to my blog instead, my own blog that I seldom visit myself =.= just because of this pity blog is being mentioned by my cousin today, reminds me of the existence of this being-abandoned-for-a-month-already blog. Sorrieee Mindlessness..

So this is my first (or maybe only) blogpost for February =)
February, finally went back to Sandakan, for a fruitful and tummyful CNY. The next will be Valentine's Day, too bad that it has nothing to do with me.. wuwu sedihnye... And the next will be the very bery busy days of rushing up my reports. After submitted my leave application for NTLP and Balik Kampung (again) in March yesterday, I was suddenly being bombed with the deadline to submit my work. So in order to have my happy gleefully March, I will burn my ass to finish my work within this month.

Happy working to those who are working.

Happy studying to those who are studying.
Happy CNY to those who'r still enjoying and celebrating.
Happy Valentine's Day lor, to the couples.
Happy hahahaha, to the singles.
Happy February.
And good day good night to everyone~

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过境

“熊宝贝”， 如此装可爱的团名，我却爱上了它
爱上它所有的歌
爱上饼干
爱上这首《过境》



过境

词曲：饼干

有些音乐在我身体里摆荡
它们不往哪里去流浪 我喜欢这样
有些人从我心里过境 然後将我遗忘
或许还是会觉得感伤 我喜欢这样

偶尔 我也试着去想
偶尔 我也试着去讲
去打从心里 表达对你的想望

偶尔 我也愿意疯狂
偶尔 我也的确疯狂
想抛开所有的束缚 对你渴望
但我通常只是一个人
面对自己的沮丧

有些音乐从我出发而後抵达远方
成就世界里微弱的亮光 我喜欢这样
有些事情当下再明白也无能放下
经过了时间 留下了挣扎 我喜欢这样

偶尔 我也试着去想
偶尔 我也试着去讲
去打从心里 表达对你的想望

偶尔 我也愿意疯狂
偶尔 我也的确疯狂
想抛开所有的束缚 对你渴望
但我通常只是一个人
面对自己的沮丧

Read more...